Chapter 4

The next people on our hit list were the mess hall owners. You will have to remember that this was a form of serving food to several hundred students and the idea was to maximize profit and reduce costs. Things were really bad at the dining halls and messes. Most of them used dirty tricks like mixing soda in the rice so that eating a little would induce burps and therefore leave one believing that the tummy is full, when in fact, hunger really hit town within an hour of lunch or dinner.

We were itching for revenge and vendetta. But then, the student union led by the hostellites usually had a low-key, chronic vendetta against all other life forms other than themselves.

Most jokers used to wait till the end of the month, the usual time when gags were pulled on suspicious mess-wallas was during the end of the month, so as to not to have to hunt a new mess and pay full month’s dues for food again. But we always paid our bills and dues. Despite giving the appearance of not being able to count beyond ten without ripping off someone else's arm, and having an intimate involvement in the city's complex hierarchy of crime, we were known to pay our bills. If you were going to be successful in the criminal world of college students, you needed a reputation for honesty. Especially where food was concerned.

One of the best stunts was the foaming and exploding saltshaker. The messes usually used opaque plastic saltshakers with pop-off tops that could be pried off with a knife blade if you were persistent enough.

The preparation in a restroom nearby or with a few pals covering your back was simple enough:
Empty salt from the previously 'acquired' containers and fill about 1/3 full with concentrated lemon juice. Place a thin tissue across the opening; poke it down a bit to form a depression. Fill the depression with about a teaspoon of baking soda. Cover (from the inside) the holes of the top with tape of the appropriate color. Replace top on container and trim visible tissue from around the top.

Carry the device to dining hall (upright and as stable as is possible... for your own sake) and warn everyone not to use the targeted ‘bombs’ and sit back, as far as possible. Some poor fellow would invariably use one, never a collegiate. If luck held, the person would be usually a working guy type, big, heavy and short-tempered was how we liked them. After discretely placing the shaker on your table (only place it near to you... see caveat #1 below), observe the next person to use the salt.

The lamb or ‘bakra’ would shake lightly at first, then harder as nothing comes out. Due to the breakdown of the tissue and the pressure resulting from the classic acid/base reaction, the top will pop off (quite spectacularly) amidst a shower of foam. The victim (as will as everyone around) would have quite a reaction, since one does not usually observe this type of behavior in a saltshaker!

There were a few caveats however to be followed;

* The top will come off with some force. If the holes are sealed well, this will happen on about the second or third shake. Once, though, due to poor sealing, it took about 5 seconds, during which time our victim started looking at the shaker to examine the "foamy stuff coming out" of the holes... The poor man had to be taken to the nearby Joshi Hospital and the mess owner stopped serving any more collegiate types.
* Under no circumstances be caught by the victim, direct rage towards the mess owner for badly run dining room. In duress, be prepared to burn all boats and flee. A pal who was caught shouted, "help!" in fourteen languages and screamed for mercy in a further twelve. We took his example to heart and posted the next motto on the hostel walls –I run, therefore I am; more correctly, I run, therefore with any luck I'll still be.

Another favourite pastime was to super glue or epoxy resin plates, spoons, bowls, anything and everything down to the tables. Anything not nailed down was more less nailed by then. The guys would quietly sit, eat their food, preferably on the last day of their dues and coolly do the deed, wait for the glue or resin to get set and get up and walk away. Its unbelievable fun to watch the servers and later the owners try to lift the stuff glued on the tables. One old and cantankerous lady who ran a fearsomely strict mess whacked steadily at the table and its contents for ten full minutes with her stick, rumbling the choicest curses that it was our privilege to hear. Remembering some of them, I believe a retired army sergeant turned truck-driver would have much to learn from her.

Seven friends once pulled this at a cafeteria that shortchanged us once. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest and made a loud noise (to attract attention). This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table and the other’s plates; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid. I think a lot of food went uneaten that night but the faces to be seen were worth the trouble of never again visiting that café.